THE MATRIMONIAL STAKES                 
The Bulletin, 11 March 1899

I wooed her with a steeplechase, I won her with a fall,
    I made her heartstrings quiver on the flat
When the pony missed his take-off, and we crashed into the wall;
    Well, she simply had to have me after that.

It awoke a thrill of int’rest when they pulled me out for dead
    From beneath the shattered ruins of a horse;
And although she looked indiff’rent when I landed - on my head -
    In the water, it appealed to her, of course!

When I won the Flappers’ Flatrace it was "all Sir Garneo",
    For she praised the way I made my final run.
And she thought the riding won it - for how could the poor girl know
    That a monkey could have ridden it and won!

Then they "weighed me in" a winner - it’s not often that occurs!
    So I didn’t let my golden chances slip,
For I showed her all the blood-marks where I jabbed him with the spurs,
    And the whip-strokes where I hit him with the whip.

Then I asked her if she loved me, and she seemed inclined to shirk
    For a moment, so I took her by the head
(So to speak) and rushed her at it; and she seemed to like the work
    When she kissed me, though she blushed a rosy red.

She’s a mouth as soft as velvet, and she plenty has of heart,
    I could worship every little step she takes;
And the saddling-bell is ringing, so we’re going to the start,
    Certain winners for the Matrimonial Stakes!